Friday, 6 March 2015

Brother Biscuit-Banjo

I was asked a very interesting question yesterday by a small boy. He asked me why doughnuts have a hole in the middle. He said, "It seems silly having a hole, you could just have more doughnut."

In essence I suppose he is right, you could fill the hole with more doughnut. But as is so often the case, there is a reason behind this mystery.

In the year 777, a weary traveller happened across this very monastery on his way to London. He was welcomed in by the monks and given dry clothes, food and drink.

As the man ate by the fire, he chatted with the monks. One of the youngest monks in the order became somewhat over excited and began to tell the man of the ancient wisdom known only to the deformed monks of Cumberton. The knowledge held such power, and surprised the man so much that one of his eyes fell out. It landed directly in the centre of a small round cake he was about to eat. The head monk instantly used his healing powers to close the empty eye socket and remove any pain. After being touched by the head monk, the man's feeling of peace was such that he looked down at his eye topped cake in wonder and fascination. Not wanting to waste the food that the monks had so kindly offered him, the man removed his disembodied eye and pushed his finger through the centre of the cake, leaving an empty hole.

From that day forth, the monks baked all their cakes with a hole in the middle to remind them of the weary traveller and the destructive power of misplaced knowledge.

And that is the story of how the humble doughnut came to be, though as allways with these things, others will have their own stories. As long as we know the truth.


  1. Verily tis the highlight of my day. Oh to rest the weary body, plump the cushions, partake of a light snack and most importantly, to laugh at the deformities of those tri-nippeloid freaks of Cumberton.

    1. Thank you for your kind words Mr Hunter, though I must confess several of them irk me for some reason. I don't suppose you are in any way related to Brother Crumblecake Hunter? He and I were good friends and would often talk for hours under the old Nupnup tree.
      Brother Biscuit-Banjo.