Wednesday, 27 June 2018

BREAKING NEWS - The Domino war.


Brother Biscuit-Banjo:

We have suspected for some time that the Domino army had enlisted help from outside their trusted ranks in a bid to fast track their global domination. Last week, Brother Driblystick bravely infiltrated the cheese wall and took some shocking pictures.




It pains me to say it, but the Smurfs have been hired as mercenaries. Our information is that they are being utilised as cheese minors. Their size and proportional strength makes them ideally suited to this job, freeing up the Domino troops for other work and increasing the flow of cheese.

Brother Binky has uncovered a long forgotten book about the ancient cheese mines, and it makes for a worrisome read. We believe that Domino's don't fully understand the consequences of what they are doing. I am reluctant to put forth any theory's until Brother Binky has had a chance to further investigate this dusty, and weighty tome.

Until we can bring you any new information, stay strong, and fight the cheese.


Tuesday, 10 April 2018

Brother Binky's poem about builders


Brother Biscuit-Banjo: - Just a warning that Brother Binky's poem does contain some strong language. The Domino war is taking it'S toll on him. 

FUCKING BUILDERS

A swarming breed, the building clans,
Consume the streets with their white vans.
To block your drive with lengthy trucks,
Whilst shouting loud with shits and fucks.
A constant noise expelled by them,
It starts again at 8 am,
The next day and then on and on,
It's dark outside before they're gone.
A spread of dirt and stones and dust,
It has to finish soon, it must.
It's "Fuck of Dave", and "Steve you twat",
"His knob's so small", "Her arse is fat".
An engine drones, and sometimes two,
A hammer beats a dull tattoo.
Cement is mixed and bricks are laid,
The wiz of drills the thunk of spade.
The evening comes, and with it peace,
A blessed still, a sweet release.
I'll slide in to my bed at ten,
But 8 am, it starts again.

Monday, 31 July 2017

THE BATTLE OF DOMINO - Brother Binky




A shocking vista reaches out where hundreds now lay dead.
The red and blue on one side where the strings of cheese have spread.
The other side an open grave with fallen monks at rest.
The bitter truth of war but still we try to do our best,
To save the world from Domino's and crush their evil plan.
We broke through their protective crust and there the fight began.
The web of cheese was cut away tomato bunkers breached.
Though many monks have lost their lives the HQ has been reached.
We now lay siege to meaty walls and cut off their supply.
This secret war will carry on, yet many more will die.


Support the war effort by joining us on facebook

https://www.facebook.com/deformedmonksofcumberton/
 

Monday, 24 July 2017

Brother Biscuit-Banjo - The Domino's War




Let me begin with begging your forgiveness for our silence, it was not of our choosing.
We have just returned from playing our part in a holy war. It is not a war you will have heard of, and it certainly will not appear in the media. This is a most secret fight between those old foes, good and evil. We refer to it simply as "The Domino's war".
For many years now, the world wide corporation, Domino's, have been waging a covert war against civilisation. This will almost certainly come as a surprise to you, but just think about it for a moment. It all started with a friendly new pizza company, then it grew and grew in to something far more sinister. 


The nonstop marketing has been focused on the youth of the world, finding a place in the collective conscience and growing like a cheesy weed. Proof of their success can be easily found. People used to suggest getting a pizza, now they suggest getting a Domino's.
The struggle still rages on, with every order of sacred monks sworn to force back the armies of crusts and cheap ingredients masquerading as fresh and high quality. We have returned to spread the truth and play our part in ending this madness.
The simple truth is that Domino's charge twice the price of what a pizza should cost. When was a large pizza ever worth £17? They hide behind the smoke and mirrors of endless offers. These are thrown at us on TV, posted through the door and forced upon us on line. Each offer is designed to make you think you are getting a good deal, when in fact you are simply paying what a pizza should cost. Buy one get one free is just a scam to make you buy two pizza's, and if you are stupid enough to pay £17 for one pizza, they laugh at you until they fart, probably in the cheese. Free delivery? If delivery is free, why do you get two for one if you collect? Because it's cheaper for them not to deliver, and again they laugh, again they fart, this time in the tomato sauce.
Believe us when we say this is only the beginning. After our youth is comprehensively brainwashed, that generation will have children, who will grow up knowing nothing but Domino's. When their control is utterly complete and unquestioned, that's when phase two will be implemented. Due to security and the safety of mankind's future, I will not go in to the details of phase two. Even if I could, you wouldn't believe me.
Bless you all. May you each be protected, and remember, there are other places 
to buy pizzas.

Join our crusade on the facebook page.

https://www.facebook.com/deformedmonksofcumberton/
 

Friday, 4 November 2016

THE BIG QUESTION



Bob Dylan once asked...."How many roads must a man walk down, before you can call him a man?"

Answer -
I was once lucky enough to visit Mr Dylan whilst travelling the spirit world. It turns out that it was a trick question all along. The man he was thinking of was actually bound to a wheelchair, and more than that, he lived in the Antarctic where there are no roads. He was occasionally helped in to a snowmobile, but even then he would simply be driven over the endless snow planes.



Once, the driver of the snowmobile suffered terrible cramp, and drove the vehicle right off the edge of a cliff. Both men crashed in to the icy sea where if not for substantial puffer jackets they would have sunk, becoming big manly ice cubes. Their absence was quickly noted and Captain America, who happened to be in the area on training duties, hurried to their aid. Whilst recuperating beside an oil filled radiator, the man sang to his friends in Russian, though he was not Russian, his friends weren't impressed and left hurriedly.
Much of this story was omitted from the final cut of Mr Dylan's song. Whether this is for the best, you can decide.

Brother Driblystick.